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M Withdrawals

by Russian Spy Camera

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1.
Argyle Smile 03:58
Speak to me with the words of an honest woman. Speak to me, M, with your guns up against my chest. You left your light on as a beacon for all these shipwrecks But I, I was too far out at sea. I never had my chance to say I never had my chance to say All the words I wanted to say Brown diamond shapes patterned down your legs And denial tells me I'll be ok. I sold my soul to the devil so I'd have you forever I chose to believe you'd sell yours to get mine back. Now you're gone with the dawn on the train I set you off on And it appears that you're not coming back. I never had my chance to say I never had my chance to say I never knew the words to say Brown diamond shapes patterned down your legs And denial tells me I'll be ok. You can say what you want because no one is listening I can say what I want because no one cares. We lit the flames in our bodies and they burned in unison. Oh how we'd push the tide and make our shadows dance. Now you're pushed aside and our shadows do nothing And you tell me that I don't have a chance. I never had my chance to say I never got my chance to say You send a smile and then walk away Feelings fleeing in multiple ways. I never had my chance to say I never got my chance to say I never knew the words to say Brown diamond shapes patterned down your legs And denial.. Fear.. Something tells me I'm not ok.
2.
I dream of draining the Mediterranean with you. We'll feel all the crippled ships on their sides. We'll steal all their treasures inside. And we'll flee the scene before those mountains are dry.
3.
I feel something's gone terribly wrong but I can't say. I went to sleep and when I awoke I was here in another place. I moved about the room and felt the pulse in my heart (just in case). And when someone spoke, all I would do is look away… "That's not my name!" Piece it all together, the pieces aren't together, no way. I've been misplaced. No no no no no! Do you hear my voice? Or is it static noise? Or is it just a bunch of unrelated words in gibberish tripped on my lips? I thought I thought the words my mouth needed but nothing's coming out anymore. I found a quotient I found an answer to this maze in arduous ways. I found an answer I found a solution to your slow painful ways. I found a love a way to escape but then I chose the straw that put me away tonight. No no no no no! Do you hear my voice? Or is it static noise? Or is it just a bunch of unrelated words in gibberish tripped on my lips? I thought I thought the words my mouth needed but nothing's coming out anymore. Let's draw straws. I remember the words you'd say to me when I was somebody else. But I'm just one man, dear. I feel something's gone terribly wrong and I can't escape. Messing up the words means waking up to worlds where it's a vacant black dream and you don't believe me when I say I need you, M! No no no no no! Do you hear my voice? Or is it static noise? Or is it just a bunch of unrelated words in gibberish tripped on my lips? I thought I thought the words my mouth needed but nothing's coming out anymore. Let's draw straws.
4.
I got a toy gun you have a pistol I got a little rhyme that'll make you wanna whistle So look what you got because we're matching ink blots Getting lost in a plot that leaves us tied up in knots. We're growing (we've got the fear)! We're growing (we've got the fear)! We're growing (we've got the fear)! We're growing (we've got the fear)! Go get your soul replaced! Go get your soul replaced! I never met a girl that's so electric in such static ways. Here while you're laughing you will touch me but you'll cut me with blades. No please, stand back, stand back. Don't cut my life support! Don't cut my life support! You make it difficult to say say say I love you. Hard times small crimes maybe you should watch what you say. No no Dr. I don't feel anything, no! Hard times small crimes maybe you should watch what you say. What's the matter with you? I don't feel the same.. I don't feel the same. Something's gotta change if you don't wanna move this way. I got a fever from your lever-pulling sexcapades. Stand back!! I got a letter from the editor saying Donna Ludwig's not your name, no no no. I know what you're thinking, M, but you're wrong wrong wrong we belong together. So… Darlin Darlin Darlin you can't leave me here so weak in the knees. I see your vectors forming before they reach their vertices. File this one under "M" for Manic File this one under "M" for Manic File this one under "M" for Manic Movement! MovvvMEENT MOVEMENNT! MOOVVEMEETNT!!!
5.
Follow me to Barcelona where I will lay you down. Follow me to Barcelona where we'll be born anew. And I can cradle your bones in mine And our flesh move like the gears that sink the sun into the void. I think somehow things will be different this time. So follow me to Barcelona where we'll be born anew. If I could take you away we'd fake our own deaths and be born anew. Follow me to Barcelona where I will lay you down. Follow me to Barcelona where we'll be born anew.
6.
Do you feel like a god in this house as the hand leads the eye adorning hair to the side? But your words taking form put the chaos in the math, And though your Briseis face looks so unabashed, You really make me feel like I should have died in that crash! You ought to know. Tribulation! Tribulation! Don't fold those muscles, Dear, Into a prayer beneath your beautiful sleeping head. They talk of halls inside you. I felt the walls inside you. There is a puzzle here that no one can complete but you. I have a fear of freeing these formidable words taking form From your flawless face with faith unattached. Your absence is a vacuum sealing me in with the ash! You ought to know.
7.
I had a dream I built a time machine and was able to move between the seams of time and all those little things held together by thread and string. Molecules and Monopoly the thought of you is a sight to see with eyes that cut like a sign of the times a smile colored outside the lines so sweet. What's wrong? Do I not please you anymore? It seems like I'm bearing such a heavy weight and it's getting awfully late but you can't seem to say what we were for so you kick me out the door. You're splitting atoms I'm not satisfied I need reassurance we will never die my clarity is a maladroit and you have me tongue-tied point for point. So we leave just you and me two coordinates labelled A and B we're like a Who's Who of grays and blues spilling in the splatter of all the hues so sweet. What's wrong? Do I not please you anymore? It seems like I'm bearing such a heavy weight and it's getting awfully late but you can't seem to say what we were for you tell me I'm a bore. Oh, oh now M we've grown old hand in hand through the storm watching children grow I can feel your soul letting go and now I'll never hold this hand again. I had a dream we're lying face to face parallel geometric shapes in phase a libra and a scorpio intertwined together like a palindrome. What's wrong? Do I not please you anymore? Do I not complete this interlocking puzzle the way we and God used to wrestle in that dark and secret place at our core? …no need to act so sure. M, what's wrong?? Do I not please you anymore?? It seems like I'm bearing such a heavy weight and it's getting awfully late but you can't seem to say what we were for so you kick me out the door. Oh, oh now M we've grown old hand in hand through the storm watching children grow getting small for our clothes you're still beautiful to me though I can feel your soul letting go and now I'll never hold this hand again. I had a dream I built a time machine and was able to move between the seams of time and all those little things held together by you and me.
8.
In A Spiral 04:41
Today’s the greatest day I ever lived
and I spend it all alone with Solitude
in Beyoğlu. People here speak in coded embers
that hypnotize me with their pretty patterns.
I moved you like a crossing ship and you moved me too. Today’s the greatest day I’ve ever lived
and I spent it all alone with tea for two
in Beyoğlu. Somehow somewhere I know this circle
will complete itself (even in a spiral)
and together complete us too.
9.
Someone save my life, I've got a queen inside my soul Playing with the javascript devils that'll make your heart pop out of its window. Ohhhh no no --> She'll fuck your code up and put me in a place without any walls And then the hard man will call me on the telephone and say, "Hey man, your time is up!" I see the tiger hiding in the corner for me. She haunts his life with calm calamity. No one makes a move as she puts the tremors in my spine And so this bad cat moves back and attacks with looks that leave my heart scraped with lines. I'm feeling all the black paint that's painting over my blue veins and this conversation's gone pear-shaped from our love lack bear trap that I wear for memory you only have ten steps before your bombs go off inside of me because I see the tiger hiding in the corner for me. She haunts his life with calm calamity. I wrote these words for you. Now release me from your spells. I'm lying here bleeding, can't you see? Can't you see? Can't you see? Your vacancy has pounced on my soul!
10.
11.
There is a pack of wolves in your pocket ready to bite And I've managed to handcuff you to me. But Darling I don't believe you when you say our feelings just aren't the same While all the facts and numbers say we're meant to be. The last thing I need is this song to tell me how to feel when I know that you don't care for me. Remember M when we hid those bodies in the attic that night? I knew then that you were the one for me. So how come M you refuse me when I have dynamite strapped to my chest? How's this any different from when you're naked with me? The last thing I need is this song to tell me how to feel when I know that you don't care for me. Goodbye.

credits

released September 4, 2012

All words and music written by Ryan S White (BMI)

Produced by Ryan White.
Recorded and mixed by C.K. Koch at Slow Records Studios in Athens, Ga, early winter of 2010
Mastered by Colin Leonard at Glenn Schick Mastering in Atlanta, Ga, early winter of 2012
Album design by Ryan White.

The musicians on this record are:
Ryan White: vocals, guitar, bass, piano, Rhodes piano, programming
C.K. Koch: bass, percussion, glockenspiel, drums
Alec Wooden: bass on tracks 3, 9, 11 and Rhodes piano on track 7
Donovan Babb: drums on tracks 3, 4, 9, 11
Rebecca Van Damm: backing vocals on track 2
Brian Harper: violin on tracks 6 and 7
Raoul de la Cruz: trumpet on track 6
Manic Movement Cheerleaders: Rebecca Van Damm, Lindsay Ethridge, Ryan White, and C.K. Koch

Special Thanks to..
C.K. Koch for making it work, McGregor Button, Andy Turner, Anne Westphal, Lindsay Ethridge, Jim Thomas, Marie Gayeski, and all the talented people who played on this record.

Please say hello to me on the street if we meet in a far away place.
Thank you for listening.

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Russian Spy Camera Wien, Austria

Russian Spy Camera is a band from Athens Georgia that was created in 2004 by Ryan White.

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